*sigh*

Guilt. Such a great feeling isn't it? ._______.


Mah phones disconnected. Sweeeeeeeeeet punishment.
Because, liek I don't turn 18 in 2 months and 2 weeks anyways.

Well. I made friend & lost friend.
And watched "Twisted Tempations" & ate beef jerky. HARHARHAR.



And now I'm being forced to watch my sister's DVD of her ultra sound. Creeeeeeeepy.


BUT HEY. OLIVE GARDEN TODAY. MMM.

Aw.

Negative fish, negative tree. haa.

Smitten

I sit here listening to "The Velourium Camper II: Backend of Forever" while eating some fake lasagna.

I CRAVE TIRAMISU.

Mmmm. I would love to see Co&Ca comic books again. Fucking amazing.

I have a headache. I wish to sleep a few hours, but I'm leaving for Keegan's house in less than 30 minutes.


Anyways. Tonight should be fantastical.



PS: I need a good fucking laugh, haven't had one lately. 'Cept thee daily laughs I share with Lacey<3

(pssst. i makes no sense and always cut myself shaving mah legs -_-)

Buttons

Finally saw Coraline. Last day in 3D @ Edwards too. It was amazing. Just like expected. Not for children though, haha. Weird but epic. Didn't know Dakota Fanning was the voice of Coraline. Anyways. The preview to "9" looked interesting, and "Welcome Home" was used in the preview so now I'm more interested in thee movie (which makes no sense but whateverr). AND now I'm wishing I would have never lost "Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume One: From Fear Through the Eyes of Madness". FML. Maybe if we didn't move so much. Hmm, maybe I should get their latest album. Maybe not.

Ohs, today we presented our prejudice photos. Good thing I got 3 slips to go to counseling then to attendance, because I haven't typed my artist statement. I fail with words. SRSLY. If you couldn't already tell ><;


My sister came up from San Diego. She's going to be here til Sunday. I'm not sure if the plans for Keegan's Dad's house are going to work out. Many people are misunderstanding things so yep. Oh well, I can spend time with my sister..who is so emotional right now, and so my amazing mother can favor her and get mad at me for every little thing :D

"You're sleeping on the futon with me right?"
"Yeah"
"Okay"
"Oh, don't get freaked out if the baby kicks you at night"
"Oh yes he is really going to kick me Lisa"
"Well he kicks Matt at night"
"I'm not going to be hugging you or be super close to you tard"
"Still. You'll probably feel him kick"
"Creepy"

:3

I wish I could eat the salt off of your lost faded lips

très mignonne.
Not my prejudice photo. Shall upload it tomorrow if I remember.


I cannot stop listening to Interpol. I'm fascinated.
These past few weeks have been..weird. But I feel amazing.

One thing that has been bothering me. Guys thinking they're going to get something from me. Ha. All I'm offering if friendship. NOTHING ELSE. It no longer interests me.


FUCK. I'm supposed to go running in a few. But I'm so lazy, and sleepy and full.


psssssssssst.

Finally arrived. Let's see how long this one will last.

Sickness was fixing me some

Coughed out my heart in the last stall. Now that the damage is done. I never miss it at all.~
This weekend. Keegan's dad's house in Azusa Canyon. Adam, AJ, Keegan, Eddie, and the rest of those niggas. Haven't hung out with them in a while. Should be fun. I'm going to be so fucking entertained. Haa.

March:
TheSTART @ The Knitting Factory

April:
Sister weds
Metric releases album and tour dates

May:
Turn 18
TBM comes to california
Becomes an aunt
Prom

June:
Graduation & all that good stuff!

Please be promp and courteous.

REMOVE CLOTHING FROM WASHERS AND DRYERS QUICKLY.
Fuck. What else could that possible mean?! ><;

Well as I sat on a washer waiting for a dryer to be unoccupied (while listening to thee same sad song I've been listening to all day) a man in a leather jacket asked me what time the laundry room closes while his boyfriend (I'm assuming) stands behind him with a basket . I said 9pm but its still open and I have to dry implying its okay to wash a load. His boyfriend says "no don't do it" and then he says all cute like "well that man there is going to put a load in" and his boyfriend repeats "no don't do it, just hand wash them" and then the other says "I don't want to hand wash them". They say thank you and walk away. They both looked over 35 years old. Such a cute gay couple. I'm horrible at explaining and my memory is that of goldfish. But hey, I'm not as bitter now.

Hah. During 7th Joe and Clarence were trying to persuade me to "get with a nigga". O_o

Mind Power

todays accomplishments:
-Silly pictures with michy :D
-Getting back my old ass high top vans
-Giving the kiddies something to talk about on myspace
-This amazing sammich (bread, sour cream, ham, avocatos, and queso fresco)
-AND OF COURSE WHAT I DO EVERYDAY fucking laundry.

Opheliac

I'm not for you
You're not for me
I'll kill you first
You wait and see
You devil undercover
You're not a prince
You're not a friend
You're just a child
And in the end
You're one more selfish lover~
Emilie Autumn. Cute.

I've reached a new level of weird :3

My ipod is about to die. NOOOOOOOOO. Now I must wait 45 minutes til I can go to sleep, because I cannot sleep without music. Music helps keep me restrained.

Buy me a hermit crab preez.

I hate touch screen phones. I'm using one to type this all outttttt. Fuck I'm sleepy and wanting more in life for I am going insane. But then again who doesn't/isn't? I make no sense.

I NEED A BREEEEEAAAAAAAAAAKK. From reality.

If only I was as happy as these cute oranges.

Sunday

Aunt picked me up. As usual she gave me that little speech about stick to my education fuck men they're worthless and to find my own happiness. She's so bitter. Cannot blame her though. Then she told me she tried getting a job at the morgue before she became a teacher, but she had to go to some special school so it didn't happen. But said they get paid good money and maybe I should consider it. Ha. Weird.

I hate black socks. They make my feet look all dirty.
I wish I knew how to use a razor. My bangs need a trim.

I'm bitter as hell.
I have a headache and I want to shower.
And I still have another bathroom to clean.


I'm eating all my cousin's banana nut muffin's. I want fat burger but we're eating at King Taco.

Tiny wrists

Bracelets and watches don't always fit. A watch my mom bought me kept falling off so I cannot wear it, and I got a small braided bracelet at forever 21 which slips right off :I

Woke up around 11am, then started walking to le mall around 1pm. Saw Raymundo and Dom at Gamestop. Street Fighter Contest, ha. Twas nice. I bought a few things. Tank top, reg t-shirt, and hoodie. I love the acid washed look. My mom got me a ring and purse from Sanrio, and Harajuku Lovers perfume (G). I love Wetzel Pretzel & Round Table Pizza. Yep.

Hung out with Eric yesterday. Those co&ca shirts, freshman year man haha. A trip. Great memories though. All coming to an end in less than 4 months. Grad Night is June 12th I think, I'm very forgetful -_-

I'm listening to Good Old War "Weak Man". It was making me go crazy yesterday, such a sound. Ha! So sweeeeeeeeet.

Who the hell decided to make movies of torture and show them in theaters?! Its a bit disturbing to know Hostel made to 3, and Saw made it all the way to 5. Ahh. My stomach. AND they banned Zach & Miri Make a Porno in theaters in Salt Lake City. Tssss.

I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. All I know:
Tomorrow I'm going to my aunts tomorrow to help her clean, why I said yes I still don't know.
Monday I'm starting a box in Woodshop.

People are douche bags. Men are horny bastards. Girls are over dramatic tards. Fuck heart breaks. Drinking is fucking stupid. Smoking is pointless. Relationships are shit. Sex just makes things complicated, unless its with the one you're married to.
None of it is worth it.

My biggest problem. I overthink. Everything.



Now, I listen to Normandie. Can't get enough of Aimee Echo.
March 11th, going to be amazing. Maybe she'll do the splits.


Took me 2 hours to finish this fucking post.

Life is sweet

when you're beat on your knees!



Could Aimee Echo be anymore amazing?

theSTART & Normandie
March 11th. Cannot wait.

Corn Flakes

are delicious. And there is sugar all over my left sock.


I find myself completely dumbfounded. But. I am definitely over guys. Cuddling and all. Just not what I need. Also, its much more simple. I'm also very happy that I have more self control. I've found out so many things lately, its odd. I'm not liking the attention though. Like I said before, being invisible. So much better.



I'm tired as hell but my mind won't shut off.




Things to look forward to:
theSTART @ The Knitting Factory March 11th
Metric release new album and tour dates in April
The Birthday Massacre USA tour dates to be released soon



I have way too much free time. Its driving me insane. I need a job. I need to accomplish something soon. I wish I was still in water polo and had that ceramics class. Life isn't interesting at the moment. I wish to wear my headphones all day and listen to whatever 120 songs I can fit in my stick of gum ipod. I think I shall do that now. I'm cold anyways, my legs ache a lot. Fuck. Well my bed looks comforting. Night.

You can go suck a fuck.

Fuck I'm deaf. Music was way too loud. But not loud enough.
This music, is making it worse but I can't stop listening. I've been reading a lot of song lyrics lately. More than usual. Hmm, I need sushi. And something to do tonight for I am losing my mind here...


I miss SV. Somewhat. Maybe because I didn't know anyone there, except for like 10 people. I think it was better to be invisible. haaa.



Nostalgic.


Let's cuddle & watch movies.

that would be so fucking awesooooooome right now.









Pssssssst. I want to take a ceramics class.

It makes no fuckin sense!

I LOVE YOU. YES, YOUUUUUU.




Oranges, paint, a field, and a fancy camera. Thats all I got to work with. I have a tiny brain.

Look in my eyes boy. Nothing like yours now.

I'm basically putting myself through hell right now reminding myself of what was by listening to some music. Bad idea? Maybe not. We'll see. But these past few days have been horrible, and nothing seems to get better. I feel like I'm keeping too much inside. I'm feeling so many things, and I can't make up my mind..though its been made up already. If that makes any sense...



*gasp* TBM is having another USA tour, with I am Ghost -_- Oh, well. Maybe their opening bands won't fail as much as last time. Being spit on isn't very pleasant. But as long as I see TBM, and soon, I'll be oh so very happy~

Unravel

Well today was rather odd. I'm somewhat bummed. But not too much. I'm surprised, with a lot. and with myself. I handled things better then I thought I could've. Fucking amazing. What a change. But its not over yet, oh noes...my stomach still feels like its in knots. Still so much to say, but I just can't find the words.

I'm oh so very indecisive. Trusting. and Forgiving. Shiiiiiiiettt. Always get myself into trouble, and never learn. Til now n__n ? heh


Ohhh. Searched for Donnie Darko at WalMart today, not in stock I'm guessing, could've sworn I've seen it there. Well, I will get it at Best Buy. And I searched for the L word too! None of the seasons are there, so fucking odd cuz they have The Tudors, Weeds, and Diary of a Call Girl. Hrrm, besstt buyy. I bought Pan's Labyrinth pretty damn epic. and yes finally. ANASTASIA. My favorite animated child princess movie or whatever you call it. Prbly watching one of them tomorrow if I don't end up going to Pinkberry with Ray, or if I don't go running with Adam -_-


I still cannot get my damn computer to read the cd. I'm going old school and using my cd player just to listen to the whole cd n___n cuz i'm currently in love with the deftones.


AH, FUCK YES! Metric is releasing a new album in April, and announcing tour dates!<3

Are you cutting me out now, after crawling inside?

Woke up early today. Amazing. Srsly. Been listening to music since I've woken up. Singing as a million things run through my mind...
Didn't go to 2nd again. Horrible. Over 18hrs of detention. Well, only 4 days of school this week. Should go by rather quickly. Oh, I have to start a project for woodshop. Hrm, something somewhat simple since I haven't used those machines since freshman year. Fuuuuuuuuuuck. Just remembered, photo due this Thursday and I have absolutely no idea what to shoot for prejudice. e_e
Ah, grades just came in. 1st semester:
Digital Photo D
French C
English C+
Econ C-
Alg 1 C

A lot better than last years. Somewhat. I could've gotten an A in digital photo, but I was always late and absent. Easy semester, I'm just lazy as hell ><;


Since its been raining, I cannot run. So I will have to change my eating habits. And drink more water. But still run when I can.

Oh, hopefully the guys come up with a trip soon. Camping, or something. Prbly depends on the rain :I

Ahh. I crave seafood bad. Sushi sounds nice too. Mmm. Maybe this weekend n_n

Goodness. I am in love with female singers. I'm not sure what it is.



Well, I leave for school in less than 10 minutes. Hopefully today is a good day, I've been needing a good day.

young hearts burst open wounds bleed fresh

I'm odd. Everything is just weird. I can't seem to make up my own mind.





Though I believe I have now :3





So basicery:

I've decided to run everyday with Adam. Feel so much better about myself.

And on my trusting people. Well, I'm an open person. I'll always be one. I trust easy, but I won't think so much of people now. I won't put so much into them. I'm not sure how to explain that. Making no sense.

My itunes won't open. Still won't read the disc. Ah, shiiieeet.

High school is coming to an end. Well, 4 months but it's going to feel like 2. I'm not too bummed on it. No reason. Excited to turn 18 though. Not much of a difference though, but still I'll be legal.

4D ultra sound, scary shit. my nephew looks hideous, he looks mummified.

I'm getting a kitten. In less than a year ^^

I want to watch Donnie Darko, Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist, AND Elfen Lied.
Major problem. I have none on DVD x_x

My back still kinda hurts from that roller coaster @ stateline. & the top of my head from walking into the van's side mirror -_-


Pink Floyd, the rain, and Pizza Hut pizza are my happiness at the moment.






Ps: Mai wief; march 11th<3

Where does the good go?

the one time it matters, the one time I want it more than anything I've ever had, ever even thought of having-I cannot have him...stuck waiting wanting and wondering what the hell to do. I only have so much strength to keep going. I almost let myself break down, but held it in. I almost let go, or so I think. But its still there. I'm not sure where to go from here...



ps: tegan & sara. where were they all my life?

(i love lacey)

je mange une banane

et ecoute la musique.

stateline demain. je suis heureuse.
et petit désorienté. zut.

:B

i burped and taste beer o_O
gross.

'i'm in love' ' i'm in like' hahaha. stupid oldass mac computers.
j'adore mon amie<3

i keep taking breaks. now i'm eating ravioli.


aaaaaaaand i want it x_x


fuck i have a headache and can't think for shit.
fuck you. be back sunday.


PS: kittiez

4 Months

Til' I am out of high school. Crasseeee shieett.
Excited. Sad. Nervous. Relieved. & many other feelings! 4 months is going to go by way too fast, not sure if thats good or bad. We shall see. I still need to fill out that FAFSA shit. Before March 2nd. I hate deadlines, I bes' git used to them. College is around the cornerr. Fuck.

So I find out today about Stateline. Have a feeling we're not going. Eh. I'm sure I'll find something else to do. & if not. Next weekend. Planning to go to Disneyland. & again before April. 3 day hopper tickets for $99. Thanks to my sister and her finace being in the Navy.

I HATE DULPLICATES. If I haven't replied I'm either busy, sleeping, or just trying to ignore you. SO DON'T RESEND THE LAST FUCKING TEXT ><;

*sigh* For some reason I'm loving Coheed and Cambria again. Ah. Reminds me so much of freshman year. At NHS & SVHS. I miss those days, somewhat.

& I'm stuck on 'Head Over Heels'. Let's watch Donnie Darko together yes? :3


PS: http://www.donniedarkofilm.com/

Head over heels

"Something happens and I'm head over heels
I never find out till I'm head over heels
Something happens and I'm head over heels
Ah, don't take my heart, don't break my heart
Don't, don't, don't throw it away..."


:3

I, I really wish you'd make up your mind

!

Srsly need to get mah shit togethaarr!
Go to DMV to get a fuckin permit
Keep grades up -_-
Fix my teeth :(
Run a few times a week
& get mah head straight!
i'm sure theres more which i just can't think of...

Yep.

Oh, and a way to pay for the piercing I am getting :x
Still not sure what I want but I'm getting another for sure.
& getting a kitty will have to wait. Til I move out. Not sure when that'll be.

Fuckingg Awesome

Eating Captain Crunch and listening to Sparta @ 3am! AND being completely confused and wondering if I should take my own advice. Fuck. KT tyme...

Bye bye beautiful

Woke up pretty early, good sleep too. I cleaned just about everything. Just to get my mind off things. Now there is nothing left to do. Just waiting for my mom to get home so I can leave and try to get my mind off things. I've noticed I have a really hard time holding my tongue (not literally). I'm in a weird mood today. Too many moods actually. I'm currently listening to Coheed and Cambria. I was going through my old cds and I found "In Keeping Secrets Of Silent Earth: 3", so I decided to import into my itunes. I haven't listened to them in forever. Srsly. Reminds me of freshman year, I was obsessed with them ha. I still remember all the words I think, singing pretty loud. Hmm, I miss the simple times. Fuck, so much shit going on right now. I'm not sure what to think. About anything. Mixed signals, lies, and too many feelings. I'm prbly just thinking too much. Or not. Anyways. It's beautiful outside. Hopefully things get better later in the day.

No affection, just shut her up

Goodness. Why is TBM so epic?! I can't get enough of them. everrrr. I need to buy the looking glass ep, a few deftones cd's, and a tegan and sara cd! I never buy cd's D:

We're way broke. So I'm way broke. Woot.

& surprisingly, I crave cuddling more than sex right now :x

Monday night Lisa & Matt are coming down from San Diego. We're going out to dinner with the fam. Not sure where. Told me to pick the place. Suggestions?

& why the hell am I thee only one to have to clean this apartment?! Not only do I clean. But I do everyones laundry -_-

and I still wonder why I couldn't keep K'nuckles! :'(



Anyways. High school. Eh. Tired of the bullshit. Crazy though, we're already ordering our cap & gowns. Choosing class bests, I have no idea who's names to put down. Thinking about the end of Senior year, gets me nervous. Even turning 18! 3 months & 10 days. So close. Then starting jr college soon after. Fuck.


PS: Sister is choosing laptop for me. Not too expensive, but good [brand] (Apple, Sony, etc)?

Can't wait

Rain

Makes me want to cuddle under the covers with someone and watch a movie!
Too bad :|

OHHH. It'd be nice to have my BB pearl now. Even though I didn't like that much. Ah -.-

& I just touched my nose. I completely like forgot I had my septum pierced.
I'm so lost today o_o





Ps:During 5th:

"haha love isn't forever"

*looks at Terry*



WTF?! xD

Ouch

My legs are hurting a lot.
I should start getting ready for school.
I'm confused.

I still need to drop that classsssss. But counselors are always busy with testing, and other students.
ahhhhhhh. I didn't go to 6th or 7th. Adding on to my 18hrs of detention ><;






I wonder how the rest of this week will go. I'm growing tired of everyone at school. Only a few don't irritate me...


I wonder how my weekend will be. hrm. :I






Currently listening to: Deftones :)






PS: I'm fat. -.-
About to do some sit-ups!

I ran

last night. A mile and a lap, and I'm sore. I feel good though. I should be running tonight too. My feet hurt from wearing these flats from urban outfitters (which i've only worn 3 times now). I absolutely love their shoes. I have my eye on a new pair, a bit pricey for me at the moment.
Yes, I know. I like weird things :3
http://images.urbanoutfitters.com/is/image/UrbanOutfitters/15661572_21_d?$magnify$


Anyways, today was nice, then turned out to be a bit stressful. I honestly cannot trust anyone. *sigh* I trust easy. I believe in too much. & I'm very forgiving. I know its horrible. I do it to myself though. Oh well. I over think too much too. If that sentence even makes sense.

I somewhat tried to be friends with Nathan, well I thought about it. Just not going to work out. I just hate how awkward it is. Another 'Oh well' on that subject.

4 day weekend next weekend! Stateline 13th-15th (I'm guessing). I just can't wait to be away, even if its for 2 days, and I love the desert heat...sometimes. And I might wear that cute fringe tank top, haven't worn it yet. I looooooooooooove fringe.

I can't think of anything to squeeze in...










Oh, surprisingly I'm not that emotional this time of the month.
& another weird thing is...I don't crave sex as much. WEIRD. VERY WEIRD.

Anddd I have a small bug bite on my left boob. Maybe a mosquito bite? It's itchy. & annoying the fuck out of me.



OH YEAH. I'm going to Massachusettes sometime after May before September. For my soon to be nephew's baptism. Never been on a plane, or to Massachusettes :x





heh
HELP ME. I dunno how to use this sewing machine. Come over and show me :|








PS: Can't wait to get my laptop.

I've been

replaced -__-


I honestly shouldn't care. but I do. *sigh*









Fucking assholes.
_______________________________________________________

PS: I'M COMPLETELY FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF AT THE MOMENT.